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Newborn Baby Mad At Blue Jays Closer Roberto Osuna

CARLOS CORREA’S BASSINET (AP) A 3 day old baby boy named Carlos Correa who amazingly already plays shortstop for the Houston Astros is apparently mad at Blue Jays’ closer Roberto Osuna for something that no one can quite wrap their head around.

Correa, 72 hours old, was the final out of the game, sending a ground ball back to Osuna as soft as the blanket that he is currently ensconced in, in his crib. After the game, Correa removed his pacifier and called out Osuna for “showing me up”, before taking a bottle of warm breast milk. The infant was reportedly fussy because Osuna took his time, walking 5 or 6 steps toward first base before tossing the ball to Jays’ first baseman Justin Smoak. It should also be noted, that Smoak was nowhere near the bag when Osuna grabbed the molasses coated dribbler that Correa so lovingly sent back to the mound.

“I don’t know what’s so special about that: throwing me a 3-2 cutter; showing me up,” said Correa before being placed into an incubator to treat his jaundice. “I go home, relax. Next time I face him, he better not give up a homer” babbled the Astros shortstop before filling his diaper with pee and poop.

As of game time, Correa had been removed from the Astros starting lineup with colic.

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