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BBQing a Steak Drunk

SOURCE: [Photographs: J. Kenji Lopez-Alt]

If you’re a man’s man like myself, you like two things: beer and steak. Nothing is better than having a couple of cold brews while grilling on a hot summer’s day, right? But what do you do when you’ve hit the sauce a little too hard at the tailgate and suddenly feel a need for some premium grade-A beef?

Stick with me and you’ll do fine.

First, you start by ordering a pizza. I learned a long time ago that a good boy scout must always be prepared. If you were a master chef, you wouldn’t be finding yourself drunk at the grill, and the most likely result is that you pass out half way through this process. So when you wake up to an over-cooked steak, why not have a pie waiting on the counter? Not to mention, the leftovers will help with the hangover that is part and parcel to this whole ordeal.

The next thing you’re going to want to do is grab some sort of bowl to marinate your steak in, since you’re drunk and have bought the cut that’s going to require the most work. Then you’re going to pour some of your beer into the bowl with the marinade. No, I’m not crazy. If you’re where I think you are at this stage of the process, you’re already spilling your beer, so you might as well be resourceful and let it add some flavour to your beef.

Now, you don’t want it to marinate for too long or else your steak is going to taste exactly like your beverage but let it sit while you finish that beer you’re holding, grab a fresh one, and, by that time, you’re probably good to take the steak out of your marinade.

Hopefully at this point you’ve gotten your significant other or drinking buddy to help you get the grill ready. This is your time to shine, baby. You’ve seen the #Saltbae videos and you know what comes next. Lay that beef on the grill, grab a pinch of your best Himalayan sea salt, and sprinkle that cow.

This is where it gets difficult because timing is everything once the beef has hit the grill. You want to be flipping your steak every three to five minutes for that perfect medium rare. But you can barely stand at this point and you spent your last bit of composure on your Saltbae impression. So here’s what you do. Use the beer that you’re holding as a timer. At this point in the process, you’re probably putting a brew away every eight to ten minutes. So when you’re half way through your beer that’s when you’re going to flip your steak. By the time you’re through two beers, your steak should be a perfect medium rare or at least medium, which, in your current state, are indistinguishable from each other.

If for some reason you’ve been slow rolling your beer this whole time, and the steak is well done, feed it to the dog, who’s been a good boy at your hip since you started this journey, and enjoy that delicious pie you ordered earlier.


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