I’m not sure what the proper term is for people who chase and partake in internet fads. I call them “PLEASE shut the fuck up already.”
Seems there was one social media-driven fad which may be a flash variant bred from Covid lockdown excess. The kids are calling it “Dry January.” It’s where you don’t drink for a month and post non-fucking-stop about it on every single social media outlet you have access to. What happens on February 1st? 95% of these attention-seekers will probably binge drink themselves stupid, post about that as well and look for the next super original thing everyone else is doing online. Stifle yourself, ya fuckin’ hashtag with a data plan.
Sober-curious people having a Dry January: I'm happy for you! Could you possibly shut up about it? You're like Air Fryer People.
— Abby (@abbythetweet) January 2, 2022
Sober-Curious? Are you Fucking Kidding Me?
This latest online public masturbation display has also coined some sub-terminology, like “Sober-Curious.” If there was ever a serious slap in the dick to those actually suffering from alcohol addiction, it has to be this. Almost as bad as the Holiday Hide-n-Seek champion and part-time Premier of Ontario Doug Ford putting Covid rapid tests in government controlled liquor stores. Yes, I’m aware they put them in other places, but the LCBO was a primary distribution point for all of what? 18 hours before they were all gone? We dabble in that which is “bad” for us. Not the other way around you clout-hungry moron. Sober is the baseline. If you’re curious what it’s like to be sober, I hate to break it to you junior, but you’re past the point of “casual” consumer.
Nobody Cares. Put your Damn Phone Down And Just Do The Thing.
We’ve crossed a weird threshold where we used to post pictures of food someone else made for us in search of likes. Then, we moved on to making duck-lipped faces thinking it was sexy for anyone other than someone who wanted to fuck a duck. We turned a corner into philanthropic motives to show everyone what a nice person we are by placing $0.65 in a homeless dude’s change cup, to now appropriating the struggles of addiction recovery? Like a fun challenge? No wonder this universe wants us fuckin’ dead.
Me giving up Dry January after 2 days pic.twitter.com/rzCrYVaiUB
— Andy Ha (@AndyHa_) January 2, 2022
It’s Not A New Thing. It’s Been Around A While
“Dry January” isn’t new. We’ve been doing it for years. Back in the days before we had to tell the world every time we took a dump, we would try New Year Resolutions. They never worked. Usually lasted, ohhh about a month tops before our fellow degenerate friends let their livers and wallets recover enough from the holidays to go out and get destroyed again. You’re not special. You’re cycling an oval track, but now you’ve decided to tell us all about it. Guess what? Nobody cares. Take your cross-fit, your fuckin’ ketosis diet and your sparkling fizzy water without the usual 3-fingers of vodka and shove it where your coffee enema goes. Spare us the month-long “#journey” to posting the 3 bottles of wine you’re crushing on the first weekend of February.
A Note to Those Actually Serious About Recovery
On behalf of those not in recovery, I’m sorry. It looks like the crippling struggles you’re facing are super fun, so some basic bitchatchos are giving it a run for a month for likes and clicks. I commend you, your strength and your lifelong commitment to being better for you and whatever drives you. I also would like to extend my thanks for the whole Anonymous part of your program. Maybe the month-long cosplayers can take a fuckin’ hint from that. Good luck to you folk. And to those serious about committing to recovery but don’t know how to do it, don’t start with this nonsense. Reach out to someone you know who has done it, or search out your local Anonymous organization or check out this resource listing. There are good people who have been on the road you’re navigating and they are ready and willing to help.
