There is something to be said for ledges…and I was sick of living on the edge of them.
It was early September 2018 when I received a call that my friend had passed. News that changed my life and many around me. ShhLLAP!!! (that’s the sound life makes when it cracks you in the face) *plot killer.. this was the final hit I was going to take after a shit storm of tragedies over the years. (more on that at another time)
Long before I decided to focus on my health & self, I would have thought the idea to just stop everything and do nothing was preposterous (that in itself is a subject for another time – doing nothing is the HARDEST job)
Basically one day – I reached the ledge. I hit the ceiling for my pain and time management. I reached the roof of my patience and overall tolerance. I jumped. I am here. I am okay.
WHOA – self-realization 101 when you reach this ledge of life and understand it’s either time to jump or turn around.
“Walking the ledge is personal suicide” AR.
we all have personal bullshit. I mean life throws us curveballs…
I didn’t know it before then but I had been walking a very fine line between; exhaustion, complete burnout, mental breakdown, physical overload, sanity failure and exposure in doing so. What would happen if I continued walking that ledge? – I will not know – because the answer became clear …. I had to jump over it. Take a leap of faith. Shake things up and not worry so much about what was on the other side.
The definition of anxiety stems from worry and I was living proof that this ledge wasn’t something to turn away from and be scared of.
Proceeding with caution towards the inevitable unknown but less worried now of going over that ledge in my life.
Almost instantly I looked at what areas could be modified, perhaps cut back on, or eliminated altogether. Then I balanced that with the replacements for all these new doors that were opening that I had once feared.
This is what happened:
- the creative side of me just itching to be exhausted and challenged
- the physical side of me desperate for therapy and rehabilitation
- the mental side of me eager for rest and healing
- the relational being in me, ready to give compassionately and love unconditionally again
This, of course, triggered HIP Lives’ foundation and beginnings. The slowing myself down to focus on those cores which blossomed into a story within me to share.
I jumped off my personal ledge… and there is no turning around from here.