Remember that time when Vladimir Putin fell down the stairs and shit his pants? No? Well, let me refresh your memory. Is this true? No one knows for sure since the Kremlin isn’t talking, but as the kids say, this couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. He was walking down a flight of stairs, surrounded by adoring fans and well-wishers, when he suddenly lost his footing and tumbled ass-over-teakettle all the way down to the bottom. He ended up sitting in a pile of his own shit, with his pants around his ankles, looking like a confused and befuddled old man.
Putler Von Poopie Pants, allegedly fell down five steps before landing on his coccyx. Ha.
Kimberly Ricci – @KimberRicci
His security detail was reported to have rushed to his aid. The impact of the fall caused Putin to “involuntarily defecate” due to “cancer affecting his stomach and bowels,” according to the channel.
The incident is the latest health scare for Putin, who is rumored to suffering from worsening cancer and Parkinson’s disease amid the ongoing war with Ukraine.
Why am I bringing this up? Because I think it’s a perfect metaphor for what’s happening to Putin and Russia right now. Let’s face it: they’re falling hard, and they’re going to continue to fall until they hit rock bottom. Here’s why.
The Russian economy is in bad shape, and it’s only getting worse. In 2015, the country entered into recession due to low oil prices and Western sanctions related to the annexation of Crimea. The situation has only gotten worse since then; in 2017, GDP growth was just 1.5%, followed by a measly 0.5% in 2018. That means that the Russian economy is barely growing at all, which is hardly an auspicious sign for the future. Not to mention that pesky assault he started on Ukraine.
To make matters worse, inflation is currently running at around 12%, which is eating into people’s wages and savings. And if that wasn’t bad enough, unemployment has been ticking upwards as well; it now stands at 5.01%. All of these factors are combining to create an increasingly dire economic situation in Russia, one that is unlikely to improve anytime soon.
Russians are fleeing the country in droves, both to avoid getting drafted and the fact the entire country is a fucking wasteland. In 2018 alone, more than 1.6 million Russians left the country permanently or temporarily; that’s the highest number since 1994, when over 2 million people fled during following the collapse of the Soviet Union.. This brain drain is bad news for Russia; after all, it’s hard to develop and progress as a country when your best and brightest citizens are leaving en masse.
So there you have it: three reasons why Vladimir Putin is falling hard, and why Russia is likely to continue its downward spiral in the coming years. Of course, only time will tell whether my predictions come true—but if I were a betting man, I’d put my money on things getting worse before they get better for Putin and company. Oh yeah…. That war thing too!
