My man Malcolm has a new dick, and he’s ready to take it for a spin with sexual unicorn Kate Beckinsale.
And it might pay off. It’s called ‘charity sex’ and happens more often than you think (see Pete Davidson).
NYPOST:Malcolm MacDonald — a divorced dad who had an artificial penis crafted on his forearm after his real willy “dropped off onto the floor” — has attracted the attention of actress Kate Beckinsale.
And he wants to take her out on a date.
Beckinsale, 48, took to Instagram on Thursday, sharing a story about MacDonald, 47, that was published by The Post earlier this week.
MacDonald is thrilled to be on Beckinsale’s radar, now telling the Sun: “I’m ready for dating again, so why not her? I’ll even treat her to a pint down at my local boozer.”
The mechanic — who revealed that he is able to have sex again after his artificial penis was surgically removed from his arm and installed in his pubic area — said he’d pay for the date with the film and TV star.
But the down-to-earth dad said he would be a fish-out-of-water in glitzy Hollywood and hopes Beckinsale will join him for a drink in his hometown of Norfolk, England.
The Post has reached out to Beckinsale’s reps to see if she has any interest in taking MacDonald up on his offer. The actress is currently believed to be single.
On Wednesday, The Post detailed MacDonald’s extraordinary story, which began back in 2010, when his penis “just dropped off onto the floor” after he suffered an infection in his perineum.
Surgeons subsequently manufactured a new penis for the father of two using a skin flap on his left arm. They planned to move the manmade member down to his pubic area but were forced to stop the operation due to a lack of oxygen in his blood.
MacDonald was left with the artificial phallus poking out of his forearm.
A second surgery to move the manhood between his legs was delayed for six years due to scheduling mix-ups, staff shortages and the COVID-19 pandemic.
Kate took pity on Malcolm in an IG post, and Malcolm thinks that means she wants to have sex with him because that’s how dumb we are.
What a gentleman.
Malcolm took note of Kate’s well wishes and, like most men, thinks he stands a chance when he doesn’t. As a result, he offered to take Kate to his ‘boozer’ for a few drinks before a night of hot sex with an unemployed alcoholic/mechanic with a penis growing out of his forearm.
How could a self-respecting, international smoke show like Kate Beckinsale say no to a magical evening like that?
For the record, Malcolm has new balls too. If Kate babysits the twins, she needs to be careful. Malcolm’s nutsack is a saline reservoir pump used to inflate the wiener for sex, and it’s brittle. Kate needs to take it easy.
Malcolm has already told the world his dick ‘fell off’ because it was ‘rotten,’ so shooting his shot with the world’s hottest cougar is lite work. Maybe Kate takes a flier on Malcolm, knowing he can go for HOURS with his new Reebok pump dick.
She banged Pete Davidson, so never say never.
Go get it, Tiger.