Pulling army generals out of retirement is one thing. When you’ve literally run out of prime candidates because they keep getting murked by Ukrainian Forces? You’re left with some less-than-prime candidates. On this, the day Russia is about to default on some serious debt because nobody will play with them anymore, we get news of this military stud being called back up. You ready??
Oh Lawd He Comin’!
“Hitler Lite” just dragged a morbidly obese general out of retirement to help in his country’s battle in the region, after the loss of like, every other one of his senior officers since Russia invaded its neighbour in late February.
In true WWE fashion, or like Madonna the new head-nazi-in-charge is only identified as Gen. Pavel, 67. He will lead Russian special forces in the region after the last head clown was seriously injured in an artillery strike.
A senior intelligence source: “Mafia boss” Putin was “scraping the barrel” by calling on the general, who weighs in at an estimated 280 pounds, reportedly eats five meals daily, all washed down by at least a liter of vodka, and needs two sets of body armor to cover his girth.
The general is reportedly a veteran of Russia’s war in Afghanistan in the 1980s.
“Most of [Putin’s] best and battle-hardened senior commanders have been killed or injured fighting in Ukraine, so he is resorting to sending second-rate officers to the front who don’t last very long,” the source told the Daily Star.
I’m sure that camo will help conceal him out in the field. He reminds me of Meal Team 6 insurrection enthusiasts we see down south. Maybe Putin is getting his wires crossed on what successful military personnel actually look like.