I forgive you if you don’t know who Mike Francesa is. He’s one of those grumpy, old sportscasters who like pretending like they have something better to do when in reality they are holding on to every last second of infamy so they don’t have to go home and actually be a part of their family. You know the type.
The same type of person who says “I swear on my kid’s life” to deny…a fart? Yes, you read that correctly. Mike Francesa, merely one month ago, uttered the words “I swear on my kid’s life” in response to allegations that he FARTED on air.
By the way, he totally fucking farted on air.
I have examined the footage. I have concluded, unequivocally, without a doubt, there is a fart NOISE at 0:18-0:19. I have been around mics & studios enough to know that many things creak and squeak. Perhaps not his buttcheeks making this noise. #NumbahOne pic.twitter.com/FCeeheWiqV
— KFC (@KFCBarstool) November 4, 2019
Un-fucking-doubtedly to anyone with a pulse, that dude farted. But even if he didn’t…WHO FUCKING CARES?! Most dudes are happy to say “yeah, that was me”…and even if you were wrongly accused…life goes on.
But not to Mike Francesa. According to Mike Francesa, farting is the worst thing you can do. Even worse than lying and including your kid’s fate in the lie as well, apparently.
Did you see what a fucking meltdown that guy just had over fart allegations?!?! Dude, get some fucking integrity.
“First of all, it would never happen…”
Oh, you’re just above passing gas are ya Mike? And to go on and on about how you would have reshot the segment if you had have known, now THAT part I believe. Seeing how much of an insecure little boy you are at heart gives me ZERO DOUBT that if you had have KNOWN you farted on air, you would have had it removed. But you didn’t. And we all heard it, bud.
I thought people would have learned from Max Kellerman’s embarrassing over-explanation, that if you just go “yeah, I farted.” Literally NOBODY cares. But you know what people do care about? When people lie about trivial bullshit such as bodily functions. If you’re willing to lie about something as small as this, what else are you willing to lie about? Probably everything. Oh, well. Maybe one day ESPN will be watchable again. Perhaps when Molly Qerim learns the difference between the words “megaphone” and “mediator”.
In the meantime, stay gassy – oops – I meant to say CLASSY.
Stay classy, Mike Francesa.