Ontario is planning on spiking minimum wage up to $15 per hour. This would usually be good news, but for the sake of media, we should make it sound like the sky is falling and everyone is going to get herpes of the foot. That’s right, an increase to $15 is going to give kids more time to obtain foot fetishes while at home, unemployed, and on the internet.
The increase of wages has caused a debate. If you increase minimum wage, you’re going to increase the number of money-saving robots doing our jobs for us. Instead of a half-asleep McDonalds employee with severe acne still stoned from the previous night taking your order, it will now become a stiff-dicked, at attention, and drug-free LCD touch screen. The future is upon us.
I mean, whether wages increase or not, this has been happening since the industrial revolution. The natural progression of technology is to create automation and its purpose is to make our lives more productive and easier. Do you think people were bitching that a lawn tractor was taking away jobs? We need to save the lawn trimming industry and bring back the scythe! Or better yet let us outlaw the scythe and bring in safety scissors. We must save the economy one blade of grass at a time.
I for one am embracing the inevitable takeover of the machine. I don’t like working, robots don’t give a single titted fuck whether they work the rest of their electrically-programmed lives.
Also, is McDonald’s really the place we want to be the crutch of the Canadian Economy? If the grand arches are one of the seven mystical pillars holding this bitch together, maybe it’s time we planned a little better for out future. I have never worked in fast food and I gotta say, I don’t feel like I have missed out on an amazing opportunity. I had to face my trials and tribulations as a prepubescent adult and it was hard enough without adding an extra layer of grease to my face from hovering over a fryer for 8 hours a day in a shitty blue visor.
So, maybe we can all relax and afford to pay rent a little easier. Until Skynet starts designing fast food machines, I’m gonna sleep just fine.