No. Video games are not sports. Case fucking closed. TBS is broadcasting people playing video games and expecting people to watch? Absolutely insane. Even worse, video game playing or “e-sports” has become one of the most popular “sports” in South Korea, frequently selling out arenas. If this is the future of sports, you can count me out.

Let me make one thing clear: I love video games, of course I do. Like most other guys my age, I can immerse myself in a good video game for hours. I love the challenge and I especially appreciate the social aspect of online games. That being said, you want me to watch YOU play them? Fuck no. When I was a kid, watching someone else playing a game was borderline torture. “You missed a fucking coin and you’re going the wrong way!” is something I once screamed, probably.

Video games were designed to be enjoyed by the person playing them, just like movies are made for people to watch them. I don’t want to watch you watch a movie, I want to watch it myself. Yes, that’s a very bad and weird example but I don’t care, I’m still not watching you play video games.

Now that we’ve scientifically established the fact that watching other people playing video games fucking sucks, let’s move on to why it isn’t a sport. Remember when the 04-05 NHL lockout happened and poker became the biggest thing going? I do, I loved playing poker then and I still love it. It’s a highly competitive game that takes an immense degree of skill. That, however, does not make it a goddamned sport. Every time somebody says that it is, I get an incredibly large dose of second hand embarrassment. Here’s a handy tool to tell whether something is a sport or not: if you called the person playing it an “athlete”, would other people start laughing uncontrollably at you? While we’re at it, let’s add some more to this list. Chess is not a sport, billiards is not a sport, bowling is not a fucking sport!

Look, I’m not saying it doesn’t take skill to be a professional video game player, and let me add that of course I am insanely jealous of the money some of these guys are making. Hell, maybe one day I’ll actually find an appreciation for watching other people play video games. Even if that were to happen, it still wouldn’t make it a sport.

I’m not old, I’m not out of touch with the kids, and it’s not a case of me “not getting it”. It’s just not something that’s enjoyable to watch.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch some golf.