this abortion ban is great because you know what the world needs? more people from fucking alabama
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) May 15, 2019
Yesterday, Alabama Lawmakers (fat white rich racist men) made it 100% illegal for a woman to obtain a safe and legal D&C (abortion). It was backed by ‘The Heartbeat Bill” that lays out a 99-year jail term for the Dr performing the abortion and life in prison for the 13-year-old who was raped/impregnated by her uncle (it’s Alabama).
Let me quickly explain and give you ladies some alternatives.
Why and who the fuck passes a bill like this?
Born again Christians. They are the fucking worst.
I was in that cult for a number of years as a kid and had to sit through slide shows of aborted fetus’s trying to get me to think abortion ‘Is of the Devil’. My friend Myron was indoctrinated to the point where he would stand in front of street corners with giant placards of dead babies in a garbage bag. Seriously.
Alabama is the heart of the Bible belt and chock-full of these Jesus loving dick heads who think life is a gift from God so taking any life is a sin against God. There’s nothing that whips an evangelical group of uniformed honkey’s into a lather than the abortion debate. Coincidentally, as an apostate to this goofy fucking religion, there’s nothing that whips me into a frenzy as religious hypocrisy lived through idiots.
Jerry Falwell fucked his pool guy and exchanged dick picks with him. He’s behind this bill. 100.
Chip and Joanna Gaines are down with this bill.
Franklin Graham LOVES THE SHIT out of this bill.
Martin Sheen and Tim Tebow want girls to get impregnated by their uncles too.
Lots of over exaggeration but effectively, this is the stance of someone who’s staunchly Pro-Life and it’s coming from a 2000-year-old book less historically accurate than Avengers: End Game.
The same book that tells you to stone gay people.
The same book that tells you to give 10% of what you own to the church or you won’t experience God’s blessings.
The same book that said that Noah Built an ark and magically ushered to of everything on earth into the boat cuz God was going to powerwash the planet.
97% of lawmakers who passed this law were white guys, the rest were evangelical women.
This bill leaves women with NO options to safely have sex and fewer options after they do have sex. And as much as I hate to say it, Alyssa Milano might be right. Maybe women should without the sugar for a while. It helped end prohibition, so there’s a 100% chance withholding some old white guy’s biblical right to assault his wife, might make them cave. Or have her arrested.
Ladies of Alabama, here are some stop-gap options should this not get challenged in US supreme court (which it will).
- Kill the guy who raped you and serve no time for ‘Justifiable homicide.’
- Obtain the Plan B pill, out of state
- Throw yourself down the stairs
- Move out of state.
- Get your neighbor to do it with some Jack Daniels and a coathanger
- Move to Canada
On behalf of white men, sorry. They’re not with us. They just make more news than us because they’re racist religious zealots who condone incestual impregnation because God said so.
Which he didn’t. Some douchebag said God told him that 2000 years ago and we’re taking that guys word for it.
the 25 votes for this bill were all white men, btw.
Maybe they should drive an eggplant into each one of these 25 men’s assholes against their will, then throw them in jail if they dry to poop it out. That should work.