After Jordan Spieth had won the British Open this weekend, the world waited to see when downhill skiing legend would try and get into his pants through Instagram. The answer is 23 hours.
Vonn is Leo Dicaprio on skis, and I see nothing wrong with it. Where Leo vapes, She works out. Where Leo bangs models she bangs athletes, Where he champions the horrors of climate change, she champions showing people her very full, firm, athletic ass.
Let’s do a quick run down of her past three years on Instagram:
- Kenan Smith: her boyfriend of a few months. Former two sport college star, Kenan spent three seasons as Rams TE coach and was just fired, so you know this isn’t going to last.
2. JJ Watt: I have a friend that works for the Texans, and he said Lyndsey “Intimidated Watt.” She apparently couldn’t get enough and would go apeshit if he didn’t give it to her. Just a rumor that I hope is true. The ESPY Awards interview last year lends some truth to the rumor.
I like this move. She posts stuff like this in response to a break-up. This came after Watt told her to beat it.
This one came about 10 hours after Tiger Woods was arrested for driving pilled off his ass on Oxy. It’s a power move by a powerful woman. “You Used To Be Here” posts. Strong.
3. Roger Federer: I wouldn’t be shocked if Fed hit this. She’s a star crusher and Roger’s wife looks like an unhappy librarian so if that’s in his face I put the chances of a Vonn/Fed hook up at 100 percent. It’s almost like she leaves cookie crumbs through Instagram as to where she’s been and where she wants to be. Brilliant.
4. Old In Shape Guy: Not sure who this guy is but he probably got it too.
I call this “Fishing with Instagram chum.” The collage of pics that showcase her spectacular ass and accentuate the crazy shapes she’s in is almost unfair. Lifting weights in the hot tub is a bit douchey though. We get it. You love to exercise.
5. Lewis Hamilton: Red Bull teammates. They are both notoriously down to fuck so guaranteed this happened.
6. Von Miller: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA. They might have sent each other to ER.
7. Shark Boy: They both look very satisfied. He can’t be happy with his career, so it’s got something to do with her. She just can’t wait to tell her friends she boned the wolf from Twilight.
8. Kevin Love: He actually might have had the best night ever here if her friends are anything like her.
And Tiger. I didn’t give him a number because he’s Tiger, but I was close. We need more empowered women like Lyndsey Vonn who smash the sexual glass ceiling and isn’t afraid to let er buck. Live out loud Lyndsey and keep posting those revenge bum shots.
I almost forgot about her pestering Aaron Rodgers too. Here’s her response.
.@lindseyvonn sets the record straight and responds to Internet troll butting into her dating life. pic.twitter.com/CwNIkw7uhS
— UNINTERRUPTED (@uninterrupted) July 19, 2017
