I was always a kid that had a mouth on him. Maybe it’s because I was still so much smaller than the other kids. I probably used it as a defense mechanism to fight back….or I just loved being the one that got the BIG LAUGH. It’s always funny when someone says something in a group to someone but when there is a quick response, a speedy witted, funny comment aimed where there is NO rebuttal. That’s where the art lays. I have always said I finish arguments I don’t start them. I would say that is about 99 percent true but always outliers in any case. In “REAL LIFE” I love in groups to have fun but never try and hurt people. Laugh??? YES. Nothing better. But never hurt someone. If you start though with me or anyone to make them feel bad for NO reason….watch out because I’m coming in HOT. And I thoroughly enjoy it.
I get asked all the time. What are some of the WORST things you have said on the ice? I assume, ‘You mean the BEST right??” They say “no the WORST.”
A little different mindset but one’s WORST can be someone else’s BEST. I’ve been on TV and radio for 10 years now. There is only so much I can say. I allude to stories all the time, but I have to tread lightly. I know kids are listening and some things are just not appropriate for the mainstream. I doubt that kids are reading this, but if so, WOW, some good chirpers are on the way. You have my RESPECT.
I don’t have a FILTER, especially on the ice. What’s acceptable on the ice is not acceptable in everyday life. I get that. Dressing rooms are SACRED. Stuff that is said on the ice always stays on the ice. UNTIL NOW.
I am going to give you my favorite 10 CHIRPs used over 15 years in the NHL.
Here we go…
10- Player asks if you want to fight, but he’s a “SUPER HEAVYWEIGHT.”
Buddy if you can skate down and back the full length of the ice
without falling over…I’ll fight you. But I’ve watched you for seven years, and there is no FUCKING way that is happening so I’m good.”
9- SABRES-FLYERS (HUGE rivalry) Eric Lindros.
Eric didn’t talk much on the ice and was dominant but had a very short
fuse. He was a target all the time. I wanted him to think about how he was going to kill me before the game started. As he would skate by
our bench, I would scream ….
“Are you allowed to fight tonight???? OR do you have to ask mommy and daddy if it’s ok??? (say it in baby voice)
8. This goes for any young kid called up from the minors who wants to fight…
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? TURN AROUND I DON’T HAVE A CLUE WHAT YOUR NAME IS. I’M NOT LEARNING IT EITHER BECAUSE THE BUS IS STILL WAITING TO TAKE YOU BACK TO WHATEVER SHIT TOWN YOU PLAY IN.
7. A captain goes by our bench in the playoffs…Unprovoked and great guy.
“I know u make 6 million a year but if
your wife needs a 100 bucks, I’ll take a 10 dances after the game. (wife was a stripper in the day)
6- Chicago Blackhawks player
I’m right by their Bench for a face-off. I hear someone on the bench yelling “Barnaby your a PUSSY” I don’t see him but I recognize the
voice because he was French. I turn, look him in the eyes and tell him very politely and soft spoken…” Someone should sit down and shut up because I banged someones wife in junior”… Let’s just say it got veryVERY quiet….VERY quick.
5- Captain of the team yells from the bench.
We hated each other more than Trump and Hillary. He is mocking me and saying anything he can think of to humiliate me and piss me off as we have LOTS of history. As was in CHRP #6, This time the response was “Must be tough when a teammate on the same bench took down your wife. You must have awesome team events.” Let’s just say every player asked me ,who I was referring to and were like WOW that was good.
Probably my biggest rival. Played in Jersey. Was tough. Loved to talk. We had SO MANY playoff run ins. We fought all the time (one time on a walk to the ice at OHIO STATE-pre season). After a game in New Jersey(I was in Pitt) I was asked about ODIE…Only thing I could think of was I’m not afraid of this guy but man he is one ugly BASTARD. He looks like CORNELIUS from Planet of the Apes. The next day I wake up to a side by side in every paper of him and Cornelius in every paper. Fans then responded by wearing monkey suits to some playoff games. Our hatred continued but now I love the guy. True WARRIOR.
3- NHL coach
sends out a tough guy to fight me…He is talking but not yelling. ” Give him a try. I dare you.” “NO thank you. He is very tough, but I will make sure we put away the BLUE and the RED line so you don’t SNORT them.” That didn’t go over well. Players had to hold him so he didn’t climb on to the ice.
2- Kenny Johnson
Good player. Great guy. From Sweden. Not sure why I said this but emotions get the best of you. I loved playing the ISLES. Great battles.
Face-off right in front of our bench. I say “Kenny…In North America WE EAT THE PIZZA WE DON’T SLEEP IN IT.” Kenny had really bad acne. Remember I said 99 percent I don’t start…This was one I did.
1- NHL COACH (still coaching)
A coach is overweight. and is yelling so many things from the bench at me as I go by their bench. Granted I was being an ASS all game.
I look at him…take my right glove off and very calmly grab my skin on my throat and just say “GOBBLE GOBBLE” while juggling the skin like a turkey. He couldn’t see it but everyone of of his players had to cover their mouths because they were dying laughing.
Players came at me verbally all the time. They tried to be NASTY. They would say anything they could think of but nothing really worked on me. I would just SMILE with a SHIT eating grin because I knew it fucking infuriated them, and made them want to want to rip me apart even more. The goal was ALWAYS to get them to take a penalty. Either at that moment or set it up for later at a more crucial time. Not IF but WHEN they did, the SMILE became even BIGGER. Then it was about capitalizing on the PP. If we scored, the smile grew larger than the Grinches Heart grew. in WHOVILLE. The bigger the moment the bigger the smile. I was willing to take a punch to the face, or slash to the back of the legs, but we better score on the PP. Bruises didn’t hurt quite as much after if we scored.
I did this for a living not a hobby. I ignored or went for the throat. Two options. Both are very effective. Ignoring someone, makes them feel IRRELEVANT. I did it a few times, but it’s not naturally in my DNA. I want you to come at me, because then its GAME ON, and I can open up Pandoras Box. I’m going to make you wish you never started. I NEVER Only time I didn’t have the last word was with Chris Simon one night in Washington. We were saying nasty shit to each other, and after a few minutes of verbal abuse…. He looks across at me in the penalty box and calmly says ‘How’s your dad??” Not bad right?? Wrong. I never knew my dad. First time in my career that I was stumped. No rebuttal. Nodda. He Won. Taught me to be better. Great job Chris. Would never happen again.
Chris eventually became my line mate in N.Y….Lindros became my roommate in NY and Dallas. Both unreal guys. Like I said before, not everything is acceptable in society and shit, some of this is even frowned upon on the ice.
But it happens… ALL THE TIME. All I can say is if you can dish it out, you better be able to take it…But always, I mean ALWAYS be ready to deliver the Mike Tyson shot that knocks them to the canvas.