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Trumps New Limo Has Electrified Handles, Blood, and Holds 260 Pounds Of Shit

Trumps New Limo Has Electrified Handles, Blood, and Holds 260 Pounds Of Shit

President Trump is being driven around New York Tuesday in a brand-new presidential limo—one with what NBC News calls “an unprecedented level of security.”

The Detroit Free Press, meanwhile, says it’s “one of the most exclusive, impenetrable and expensive cars in the world.”

The 20,000-pound, $1.5 million limo, built by General Motors to look like a stretched version of a Cadillac XT6 sedan, is believed to use a heavily modified platform from GM’s heavy-duty Chevrolet Kodiak truck and to have 8-inch thick walls and 5-inch, multilayer windows; a mix of steel, aluminum, and ceramic armors are meant to fend off different types of attacks. And in case of a biochemical attack, well, the car is sealed to protect against those, too.

Its doors weigh as much as those on a 757 jet, and its has run-flat tires inside its almost bus-sized wheel wells.

It also includes a night vision system, door handles that can be electrified to shock anyone trying to get inside, and the ability to fire tear gas, lay down an oil slick, or deploy a smokescreen.

Among its communications technologies? The ability to dispatch the nuclear codes. Oh, and in addition to the seven seats it has inside to make sure Secret Service members can surround the president, it also contains a bunch of medical supplies—including a refrigerator full of blood matching Trump’s blood type.

I’m guessing his blood type is Rocky Road.

This is the only thing Trump has that I want and for 1.5 million I’m surprised richer paranoid people don’t ask for a replica because it’s essentially a rolling tank with firepower.

The really good news for Trump?  Apart from all the bells and whistles, it’s also capable of holding 260 pounds of shit in the back seat.


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